On My Own

Cordelia,

I just recently turned 18 and my parents kicked me out and moved to another state. They didn't even give me the option to move with them and pay them rent. Now they are upset that I refuse to talk to them. They keep calling my sister and telling her how terrible I am for not giving them the time of day. She understands my viewpoint, but I hate that they are putting her in the middle. I now live with my sister as a roommate and pay rent. Am I unreasonable for not wanting to speak to my parents?

~Hurt and Confused.

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 Dear Hurt and Confused,

I am so sorry that you have found yourself in that kind of situation. No one should have to go through that and I understand that it is an extremely painful thing to go through.

If I were you, I would reach out to your parents once and only once. I would explain to them that they chose to sever their ties with you the moment they kicked you out without any guarantee that you would have somewhere to go. What they did was extremely harmful and hurtful. They need to understand that them cutting you out of their lives means that they cut themselves out of yours. Maybe one day you will get to a place where you are able to forgive them and allow them back into your life, but that day is not today, and it is not something they can force. They have to wait until YOU are ready.

They also need to understand that their failed relationship with you is not your sister's responsibility. They need to leave her out of the situation. They made the mess, they need to show that they are willing to fix it. Harassing your sister about how you are unreasonable and unfair isn't going to change your mind and make you forgive them any faster (if at all).

You may choose to rekindle your relationship with them in the future, but right now it is just far too soon for you. If they can’t respect that, that is on them.

After that, your conscience should be clear and you can move forward with your life however you may decide to live it.

I hope this helps, and good luck!

~Cordelia Cross