Not Such a Kid any More

Dear Cordelia,

When I married my wife 8 years ago I also adopted my stepdaughter. I know she isn't mine by blood, but she is still my child and I love her. As a nickname, I call her kid. On her 13th birthday, she asked me, what are you going to call me now? It made me feel a little sad; like she was embarrassed by it. I still call her kid, but maybe she feels like she’s outgrown it, what should I do?

~The Self-Conscious Step-Daddy

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Dear Self-Conscious Step-Daddy,

Before I jump into your answer in a full-blown manner I just want to point out that I love that you care for her so much that she is YOUR kid. What some people tend to forget is that Step-Parents are extra special because they got to choose whether or not they wanted you in their life and they chose to keep you :).

When it comes to talking to her about the nickname, I recommend you just sit down with her and tell her the truth. Explain to her that you don't call her Kid because you think she is A kid, you call her Kid because she is YOUR kid. Once she realizes that is a term of endearment and that you call her that because you love her, not that you are labeling her a child she should definitely have a new perspective on it.

You never outgrow a nickname that your parents give you because it’s something special between the two of you. (No matter how embarrassing it might be as a teenager). Maybe just tell her you won’t call her by that nickname in front of her friends but it’s a special nickname between you two you don’t want to lose. For instance, my mother still calls me Monkey, even in front of my boyfriend that I have been dating for 5 years. My grandparents call me “Koukla” which means dollface in Greek. It's something special you have as a connection with the people who you hold dear to your heart in life.

I hope this helps and please let us know how it goes!

~Cordelia Cross.