Dear Cordelia,
My parents were physically and emotionally abusive to me for years. the moment I turned 18 I got out of there and severed most ties with them. Now, I am 19 and getting ready to leave the country for school only to realize my passport is still at their house. They refuse to give it to me unless I agree to let them back into my life. I need them to understand that I might not ever forgive them. If I do, it will be on MY terms, not THEIRS. They literally said that they are doing this to keep me from going abroad until I start talking to them.
What should I do?
Sincerely,
The Caged Bird
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Dear Caged Bird,
I am so sorry that you had to grow up in an abusive household. That can take a huge toll on someone and it gets even worse when the "adults" involved in the situation refuse to acknowledge how bad it really was.
If the situation is so unsafe that you do not feel comfortable going back to your parent's house alone, I recommend you do this; text your parents (so that there is proof that they have it) asking them to please return your Passport. It is not their property, and they do not have the right to keep it from you. If they refuse to give it to you, ask them why they will not give it to you. After they respond, stop texting them.
Then, go to your local police station and ask to speak to an officer. Explain the situation and present them with the texts from your parents. Then ask that one of them escorts you to their house to retrieve it and any other possessions you may have. Don't keep texting your parents after that. It will only add fuel to the fire and make the situation worse.
Once you arrive at their house with the officer explain that you will not be starting contact back up with them again until you are ready and that day may not ever come. They hurt you repeatedly for so many years and trying to manipulate you as an adult will not change your mind. Either way, having a witness there, (especially an officer) will help make the situation far smoother and give you some serious piece of mind.
If you would rather avoid that situation, you can always get a second Passport. You can have up to two total in most cases unless there are certain circumstances that make it necessary to be issued another. For instance, if your house gets broken into and both are stolen.
I hope my reply helps and that you are able to get this situation resolved safely. Please let us know how it goes!
~Cordelia Cross
Hey all you out there in Cyberspace!
It's Cordelia and Welcome to Consult Cordelia. I am not a licensed Therapist or Psychiatrist, but I have alot of life experience and I am always willing to help. If you need advice on anything, email CordeliaCrossBlog@gmail.com with the situation and "Consult Cordelia" in the subject line and maybe you will get featured in the next post with a bit of advice. If you do not wish to have your name disclosed, please sign your letter with a pen name.
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