Weirdos Down the Way

Dear Cordelia,

My husband and I have a bit of a reputation for being quirky in town. We own and run the only new age type store for miles despite our town being pretty conservative and reserved. My 16 year old son threw a bonfire for his birthday and no one showed up. When he asked his friends about it, they said that their parents told them that they weren't allowed to attend.

What should I do? I feel like I am ruining my son's chances of having a good upbringing and good memories because everyone else is too judgmental. He said it was fine, but I could tell that he was hurt by it and didn't want to blame us.

Please help!

~The Weirdos Down the Way


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Dear Weirdos Down the Way,

I just want to start off by saying that you sound like really sweet and caring parents and your son is very lucky to have you.

There are a couple of ways that you can go about resolving this issue. Maybe try planning another event for your son in a more public place. When you have him invite his friends, invite their parents to drop in as well. They may not realize that their thoughts and misconceptions about you are very wrong. Meeting in a common public area can help remove some of that anxiety they may feel.

Another thing I would recommend trying is maybe reaching out to the parents of the other kids. They may not realize that you aren't as eccentric as they think. A lot of the time issues like this rise from a lack of understanding. If you have a sit down with the other parents and explain to them that even though your beliefs are different, you wont be forcing yours on their child. They are invited over to socialize with your son. Not to convert to your spirituality.

If they can't understand that, and they continue to penalize your son because of it, they aren't the kind of people you would want in your lives anyway.

Another thing I recommend doing is maybe seeing if some of your customers have children around the age of your son. Maybe some of them would really enjoy getting to know him and becoming his friend. Who knows, maybe they can hit it off?

Before you do anything though, I would try talking to your son about it first. Let him know that you are not naive and that you know that the reason that his friends were unable to attend was because of their parents. Talk to him about different solutions and see what he would really want to do.

Who knows? Maybe he decides that he was happier with the celebration being just between family any way? Maybe he becomes way better friends with the child of one of your customers? Maybe he has another potential solution of his own. Just make sure that he knows that you appreciate that he was trying to spare your feelings by saying that everything was fine when he was still affected by the issue.

I really hope this helps and please do not forget to let us know how it goes!

~Cordelia Cross