Desperately Wanting to Fix This

Hello Cordelia,

So here’s a little bit of back story: my boyfriend and I have been together for a few months. Last week, Sunday, we got into a disagreement about something misconstrued over text. So, following that disagreement, we talked through things that evening. I thought things were resolved but, then comes Monday. Monday he went into this pattern where he texted me Monday morning, went MIA until Tuesday afternoon/evening, texted me Wednesday morning, went MIA until Thursday afternoon/evening, and then texted me Friday morning. Weird, but I just let him do his thing.

This lead to the current dilemma. Yesterday, Saturday, he texted me around 3 pm saying “sorry I’ve been distant, I don’t want to be in his relationship right now, I’m sorry”. I didn’t respond (because I was working). About 2 hours later, though, I got a phone call from him and we talked for about an hour.

At one point in the conversation, he said: “I just need some more time, let’s talk or see each other on Thursday and look at starting over.” I agreed and he went on to say “I’m not really one to take breaks from relationships but I think that’s what we need right now. I care about you but need a few more days to think.” All that said, I’m not sure what to think or where to go from here.

 I am maintaining hope that Thursday will go well and this “break” will be over and we can start to get back on track but I’m not really sure. He went from wanting to break up too just wanting a break for a few days.

I need advice! Please!

~Desperately Wanting to Fix This

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Dear Desperately Wanting to Fix This,

It seems like right now in your relationship you have come to an impasse. It seems like your boyfriend's feelings may have changed or shifted and you aren't both on the same page anymore. As hard as it can be to let go of a relationship, it is a lot harder on yourself to hang on.

When he was talking to you that first day and stated that he didn't want to be in the relationship with you anymore, I think he was trying to be honest about what he was feeling in that moment. I don't say that to hurt you, but I want to help you understand that sometimes relationships aren't as strong from both sides as they seem.

I recommend when you meet with him on Thursday, you ask him why he is having a hard time in the relationship and what is weighing on him. The foundation of any strong relationship is communication. If you two aren't talking about important things like this together, you might not be right for each other.

From the situation you described, it seems like he was trying to break off the relationship, but only agreed to a "break" to help ease your mind and make it easier for you. On the flipside, if he isn't happy, the best thing for you both may be to step back, end your relationship and focus on building a friendship with each other again. Sometimes when you are in a relationship with someone you lose that bit of yourselves that you fell for in the beginning because you've become so focused on being the best person for each other. 

I know that it hurts and that it is hard, but less than a week isn't a real break. It is my recommendation that you stop messaging him unless he messages you first. When you meet, agree to spend a few weeks apart from each other romantically. After that time, if you decide that you miss each other and want to start seeing each other romantically again, then you can get together again. If you don't, then you don't. Doing things this way will ensure that both of you have the time that you need to work through this.

I hope this helps!

~Cordelia